Dealing with That Guy in Comedy: Advice from Womxn

This blog post was compiled with help from the cast of The Feminine Experience. To hear more of their infinite wisdom, get tickets to their show at WIT on Feb. 25 or Mar. 4.

We all know “That Guy” in the comedy world. He’s a steamroller. He gives you the bad kind of goosebumps. You feel the fun stop when he enters a scene. For the purposes of this article, we’ll call him Rick.

Maybe you’ve been Rick and want to change. Maybe you’ve been his comedic prey. Maybe you’ve seen Rick in action but didn’t know what to do about it.

Fret no more: the cast of The Feminine Experience is here to help with advice on how to spot Rick, how to change if you’ve been Rick, and what to do if you encounter a Rick.

How to spot Rick

Luckily for all of us in the comedy scene, Rick hasn’t quite mastered the art of subtlety, making him very easy to spot. The Feminine Experience cast has a few pointers for how to identify Rick in the wild.

You hear him. He’s very loud.

I was in class with someone who constantly inserted himself into almost every scene and very rarely honored what the people already on stage were giving him. He was usually a variation of the same aggressive or angry guy, yelling and killing people off. — Bryanda

He’s commenting on you, not your character.

I was always stuck in scenes with a guy who wanted to ask me out in real life but wouldn’t, so he would always pull me into scenes and hit on me like he was a character picking up my character at a bar. Like, literally would comment on how short my shorts were, how “sexy” I looked, etc. The indicators of “his character’s” interest always referred to who I am as a person—i.e. my likes and dislikes, my outfit choice that day, what I said I’d done over the weekend, etc. He would pull in information that was stuff I shared in the actual world and try to weave it into the scene. It was bananas. — Christina

He makes female characters dumb.

The funny thing in a scene is never that a lady is crazy and you’re a very smart man. So don’t do it or travel back to the ’90s. Also, stop making your character pregnant just so you can scream, ya lazy asses. — Kara

He makes women the butt of the joke.

[Rick] Played the wrong part of the joke. In a scene where a woman wanted a promotion at a company and her boss said she wasn’t ready, the tag-out run began with tagging out the woman who wanted the job for a less qualified person and then an animal. So then the joke was relating this woman applying for this position to a monkey applying for the position. — Krystal

He probably loves rape jokes because they’re “edgy.”

In my level three class, a very, very obnoxious “that guy” kept making rape jokes in a scene I was in with him. The teacher (also a dude) didn’t shut him down, nor did he say anything about it after the scene. Since it was the first day of level three (and since we hadn’t had a discussion about what to do if we felt uncomfortable), I felt like I was stuck in the scene with this guy. Later when we were getting beers at Lou’s, the same guy (who was a stand-up just taking improv classes “for fun”) said he thought improvisers didn’t take enough risks with their jokes. Then he brought up the scene we’d done in class and complemented himself on how good his “risqué” rape jokes were. — Kelsie

So you’ve been Ricked. What now?

Standing up for yourself against Rick can feel hard. You’re trapped in the yes-and mentality, and want to honor the rules of improv. You’re trying to have fun after work and don’t want to ruffle feathers.You don’t know if something is even problematic; isn’t this what comedy looks like when Louis CK makes people laugh?

We’re here to tell you: NOPE. This isn’t your problem, it’s Ricks. Here are some hot tips on how to stand up for yourself:

Show him what he’s done.

I find it easier to show, not tell. Mirror “that guy’s” choices in scenes so he can feel how it does not work. — Kara

Flip that misogyny on its head.

I learned from Dana Malone, an excellent coach, that when you are endowed to play these gender roles with “that guy,” we can flip it on its head in the scene. I can be your Mom, but as a mother I could also be an astronaut or secret agent or a million other facets of my character to break out of whatever gender role you have assigned me. — Krystal

Call it out!

It seems scary but I promise the audience (especially the females) will love seeing you call out “that guy.” Everyone hates watching “that guy,” and I think it’s such a relief for you and the audience to make it stop. — Angela

Talk to him about it (if you feel safe)!

I would say it’s fine to point things out with teammates. If you want to do it one-on-one, you can just say what you feel and what you are noticing. — Krystal

It’s okay to feel how you feel. Talk to a teacher.

I would say first and foremost that, if “that guy” makes you feel uncomfortable, you do not need to think of justifications or reasons either to report or to excuse his behavior. Trust your gut. If you don’t feel good or safe in scenes, at rehearsal, or on stage with someone, you have EVERY RIGHT to feel how you’re feeling. If you’re in a scene, your character could say, “That makes me very uncomfortable” and try to redirect. If it’s a pattern in a class or something, though, definitely talk to your teacher about it. — Christina

Don’t doubt your own discomfort. I feel like I’ve second-guessed myself a thousand times by asking if I’m making too big of a deal out of something or if I misunderstood a guy who said something misogynistic. If you feel like you were disrespected or like someone said something that was out of line, you probably were, and they probably did. Trust your gut. You know how someone made you feel and if it was wrong. — Kelsie

Give yourself permission to deal with it how you deal with it.

Give yourself permission. Often times I do not feel qualified or empowered enough to say something. I now follow a practice I learned from Elizabeth Gilbert, where you literally write yourself permission slips. In this case, give yourself permission to trust your gut or intuition, give yourself permission to speak up, give yourself permission to say it to a trusted friend first or write it in an email (whatever makes you feel more safe), give yourself permission to not apologize for saying something. And offer yourself some grace and forgiveness, if you have backed down in the past. — Bryanda

A do and don’t list for Rick

Nobody wants this, Rick! And it’s time for you to put in the work to help make the comedy scene a better place for everyone in it. But you’re not on your own, here! If you fear you’ve been a Rick, The Feminine Experience’s cast has come up with some hot tips to help you (and comedy in general):

If you’re having trouble remembering some of these tips, we suggest making a pocket-sized copy to refer back to whenever you feel the need.

Rick, it’s time to get to work

Well, there you have it, folks. Rick has been around since day one. He won’t disappear in a day. It takes work, mainly from Rick. Change happens when you listen.

Fun fact: great improv also happens when you listen. Do yourself and all of us a favor and do better comedy, Rick!

Speaking of listening, there’s a great show about listening to womxn coming up! Check out The Feminine Experience, February 25 and March 4, at WIT. All benefits go to House of Ruth. Hope to see you there!

XOXO,

The Feminine Experience